Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Randomize
