She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
