im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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