She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize