So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
