If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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