So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
