I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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