it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize
