I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
