...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
