Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize