I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
