Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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