The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
