I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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