By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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