they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
