Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
