just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
