My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
one might say we're banned from that church
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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