Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
