Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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