Me too!
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
