Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
