I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
