his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
