Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
