You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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