The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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