...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
