it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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