honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
