I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Did I show you my penis last night?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
