when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
wow bdsm is so cute
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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