I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
