When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
