sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
