The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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