I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
