Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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