Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
