Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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