You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
