Pants 0. Shit 1.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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