you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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