If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
