I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
