Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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