Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize