I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
