sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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