Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
