two words: eviction party
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
