I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize