My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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