There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize