Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
