I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
