She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
