dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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