i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
