You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
