I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
