Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
