it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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