I'm going to jail i love you
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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