Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize