so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
