Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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