Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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