Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
