Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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