i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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