my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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