I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
