They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
