i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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